For the past 7 years I have been living an amazing (to me) and generally happy life. Before that I used to blog like nuts on Livejournal. It was mostly all whiny oh poor me my lifesuckseverybodyhasiteasierthanmeblahblahimabigfatvagina kind of stuff. I went through a shitastic divorce (my second) where I had my heart torn out and stomped flat. Hit emotional bottom, found a fantastic therapist, and with a little help from my friends unfucked myself pretty well. I learned a shit ton, grew up finally, and figured out what my real needs and wants were. Yay for me!
What all of that means here is, I haven't been blogging because I've been too busy enjoying my life rather than whining about it to a bunch of ethereal at best internet "friends". I am still thrilled with my life as it is and have no major, or really any minor, complaisant. But the thought occurred to me that I should really chronicle this bucket of joy I have stumbled into.
My life is unique. Yes, yes I know. I'm a special little snow flake just like all the rest of the kids... But really, It's pretty out of the norm. I have been living with my fiance and my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. We are all happily raising my 2 sons from my first marriage. Well insomuch as you can raise a 20 year old. More like teach him all the shit his mother neglected to. But the 14 year old is a constant load of work. Great wonderful kid, but his issues are for another post. Anyway, back to my living arrangements. I have some how stumbled upon a working healthy Polyamorous relationship. What's Polyamory you ask? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory Read on.
So here's the deal. I've known that I was Poly since high school. However, I had no clue what to call it or how to make it work in the real world. I'd read, like many geeks of my age, Heinlein's "Stranger in a Strange Land". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stranger_in_a_Strange_Land But I instinctively knew that there was no way regular non-telepathic humans could achieve the level of perfect trust that the "nests" did. I kept stumbling through relationship attempts. Broaching the idea of a non monogamous relationship branded me as some sort of deviant pervert. This is in the late 80's early 90's time frame. I was a young Marine serving under Don't Ask, Don't Tell so anything even hinting at "perversion" was hunted down and stomped into a bloody stain. Maintaining a relationship was hard enough, much less multiple ones. In my first marriage we tried it and failed miserably. Just not able to communicate, nor self aware enough to even know, what we really wanted and needed. In my second marrige we tried it and for at least a brief moment it seemed to be working. But nothing ever really works when there is an Addict involved. That Ex is to this day the biggest waste of an amazing human being that I have ever seen. Ramble ramble ramble.
Anyway, back to the Poly thing. I've known for pretty much as long as I've been interested in girls that I wanted multiple relationships. And no I don't mean the typical guy wanting to fuck everything that moves kinda multiple. I would imagine full relationships, going out to movies, doing the dishes together, reading to her on the couch, all those little romantic comedy cliche's. Sex was a part of it but it wasn't the only part. I wanted more than one woman in my life and I wanted everyone to be OK with it. No cheating or secrets, just honest, intentional non-monogamy. But it seemed no one else was interested in even the idea of this or, if they were interested, they were bat shit nuts.
Well That changed after I unfucked myself and met my fiance.
*OK, aside here. Not going to use any real names in this blog. Mainly because I like my life undisturbed. If you're a personal friend and you stumble across this blog you'll easily figure out who we are. So not really trying to hide things just avoiding major disruption of my happily peaceful life. Onward.*
Let me describe both the girls now and get it out of the way. I'm am an EXTREMELY lucky man. My fiance is brilliant and one of the most upbeat and genuinely happy people I have ever met. A diligent, loving and funny person all packaged as a tall leggy redhead with classic curves. No that is not a euphemism for fat. She's my partner in all things and I'm amazed by her every day. Think Jessica Rabbit with a geek streak a mile wide. Her lightsaber sits next to the bed. "Ya, know. In case the zombie apocalypse is started by the Sith." Yep. Nerd. But a damned Hot nerd. =)
The Girlfriend is tiny. Think pixie sized. I lean down to rest my chin on the top of her head when we hug and I'm only 5'11". But a perfectly proportioned little china doll with a foul redneck mouth, a fiery wit, and a goth streak that would block out the sun. A perfect model for the classic Goth Lolita fantasy and the single most tenacious creature I have ever seen.
So we have their names now. They shall be Jess and Lola.
So I met Jess at a big SciFi convention we both volunteered at. I was still with the Addict Ex at the time and all I really noticed was a pretty redhead with Gorgeous green eyes. Filled the image away and kept on volunteering. Early the next year I was divorced and working on fixing my own shit. We found each other online through LJ I think and began a conversation about our mutual recent divorces. You can guess the rest . as we talked more and more (we lived in different cities then and the interwebs was our main avenue of communication) a friendship grew. Hell she even talked me through my last attempt to reconcile with the ex. After that thankfully failed miserably Jess and I talked more and more. We both realized the attraction was there early on and said as much to each other. We alos recognized we were both still broken and needing time to fix our own shit. We didn't cut communication but we did scale back any romantic issues for a good long while. It was much easier living hours apart as well.
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